A Chatroom fit for the Gods!
by Iris Cornelia Jade
Summary: On Mt. Olympus, things can get boring, but the talk never does! And while they may be sick of talking of demigods, they've got plenty of other stuff to talk about. Hephaestus springs a chat system where all their humor, sarcasm,and wisecracks are recorded
1. Prologue

**So, I'm expertly failing at my current story and I've got more homework load than ever, so why am I posting a new story on a completely different forum? Why, because this story has been recorded on notebook paper for enough to span approximately 10 chapters, so I might as well get a move on. And while the Gods are a bit sick of the demigods and have stopped talking about them, the personalities are the same as if they are in Camp Half-Blood, minus the fact Kronos is a bit more…childish. Anyway, R & R!**

**DISCLAIMER: ME? I THINK NOT.**

A grubby mass of tangled beard rose from a large number of mechanisms that resembled computers in a futuristic kind of way. Laying a hand on all of them, they vanished, one by one, at the creature's word, save one which the creature sat down at. Squinting at the suddenly illuminated screen, the lump cleared his throat.

"Command system: Hephaestus Alpha. Chat system, commence."

A small window flashed onto the screen, which looked abnormally like a chat screen, only without a box to type things into. And then, a pulsing red light shone from the bottom corner of the screen, and the soothing voice of Iris said, "You have a caller."

Hephaestus pressed his thumb to the red light. Another window opened up, streaming straight from a temple of marble and gold. There was a statue illuminated inside, made of ivory. And in front of the statue was the figure of the statue herself.

The mutant leaned closer to the computer.

"Well?"

The lady smiled grudgingly. "All appears in order. It seems you gain your money's worth. I almost regret throwing you off Olympus. But IS everything in order, Hephaestus?"

Hephaestus smiled. "Yes, m'lady. Any actions done in front of the motion sensor will be registered and recorded on chat. Objects can be passed through the computer to online members. Anything said will appear on the screen—no need for the keyboard." The lump paused worriedly. It was not wise to upset this immortal, that much was certain. "Anything else?"

The lady smiled again. "The secret weapon against Zeus?"

The mutant visibly relaxed. "Yes, Lady Hera. That is in order as well."

Suddenly, a button popped up onto the screen—The Chat Room: Ways to Become Smart.

The minute script clearly read, "Made by Athena."

One by one, the number of members in the chat room increased. Soon it exceeded enough for Hephaestus to wonder what was going on.

"We'd best go, m'lady. We don't want to be latecomers to the party."

Hera smiled. This time, it reached all the way to her ears—a genuine smile you didn't see often in people like her.

"Best of the best, Hephaestus."

"Same to you and many more, Lady Hera."

Hephaestus pressed the X in the corner of the video, then stuck his thumb to the hyperlinked chat. The screen opened…

**More will follow: R&R!**


	2. And this is Just the Beginning

**Okay, I should mention we've got some minor gods. If you don't know your greek mythology, either open a google or don't read. JK, just open the google.**

**In addition, I mention charmspeaking in here. Either read ****The Lost Hero**** or turn to that open tab of google.**

Dionysus~ So we're here…blah blah blah. Cut to the chase already.

Hypnos~ ZZZZZ…*yawn*

Aphrodite~Why am I here again?

Athena~yadda yadda yadda…

Morpheus~*daydreaming*

Ares~Shut up, all! I'm watching the Iraq War! How am I supposed to listen to the fighting if you guys are talking your heads off?

Hades~Ways to become smart? Are you insulting my intelligence level? That will earn you a century in Tartarus!

Hestia~Hades, we need to keep the peace! Now, who wants a virtual smore?

Poseidon~ Why am I here? I DON'T EVEN LIKE ATHENA! Zeus, WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?

Nike~Relax, Kelp Brain. We're just trying to extract a bit of that kelp.

Athena~Yadda yadda yadda! BE QUIET!

Ares~ Shut up! There's not enough bloodshed now…I think I'll incinerate half of Al-Qaida.

Hades~ Stop incinerating random people! Elysium is getting too much as it is. We can barely keep up. We're starting to have to move in 2 heroes a house!

Ares~Well, I'll keep killing them! What do I care? Move them to the Fields of Punishment if you have to! Read my lips, zombie boy—I DON'T CARE!

Athena~Enough with the pointless subjects! Now, about that lesson…

Apollo~ This calls for a haiku!

Artemis~Oh brother, not again!

Apollo~ Hey, I actually am your brother! Anyway,

Athena is weird

She teaches about nonsense

Apollo's awesome

Athena~Apollo…

Apollo~What?

All~SHUT UP!

Artemis~ As in, STOP WITH THE HAIKUS!

Apollo~Okay, I'll switch to freeverse! Anything for my li'l sis!

Artemis~Oh, that's it.

Artemis has left the chat room.

Hermes~It was nice knowing you, my friend. I'll diverte some of FTD floral trades to your funeral.

Apollo~ What? OMThkgdshdfgjklgfdjui rafdpupzoixcuv-vgf m,tvgb jjivfuofdsejrknmfd coh my ccongya scv uidfupqier

Zeus~?

Apollo~ This is Artemis on Apollo's account. Apollo is currently…erm…out of the running.

Hephaestus~ Three Spartan kicks and a couple dozen arrows to the head can do that to a person.

Apollo~how…

Hephaestus~ Hephaestus Radar has never seen such high ratings!

Apollo~Anyway…even for the god of medicine it'll take 12 months to heal, so expect a haiku free year! Anyway, I should get back to my huntresses.

Apollo had left the chat room.

Poseidon~I'm guessing the random string of letters was Apollo falling across the keyboard.

Athena~Considering your head is full of kelp, that's not bad. But then again, you said you were "guessing," so never mind.

Poseidon ~Why you…I'm going to flood the Acropolis for that.

Athena~If a single brick hits the ground, you will—

Hera~STOP! We will stop fighting and act like a family!

Nemesis~We're a family, all right. One big, demented, warpath-psychotic family.

Demeter~And you think YOUR family doesn't get along…what with everybody avoiding my cereal and Ares considering ham the bane of Tartarus.

Athena~Is warpath-psychotic even a word?

Ares~Ham is too close to boar! HAM IS DEATH!

Nemesis~what does that mean?

Athena~Well, ham is made of pig. Pigs are animals very similar to boar, so therefore…

Zeus~*rolls eyes* Well, now we know how to subdue you—threaten you with ham.

Athena~Oh, now you tell me? That would have saved me TONS of trouble in the Trojan War. Anyway, back to the lesson. Number 1 way to become smart is to avoid Aphrodite and her kissing scenes. This can trigger hormones that make you either super lovey or super disgusted. And love can make you loopy.

Aphrodite~Hey, Ares, wanna start kissing?

Ares~Sure.

*Sound Effects*

All~EW! MAKE IT STOP!

Hephaestus~ Hey, Ares? Heads up.

Ares~*Looks up.* Huh?

Ares~ OW!

Hephaestus~ For all those not tuned on to Hephaestus radar, Ares was recently whacked in the head with a sledgehammer courtesy of yours truly.

Zeus~ *Stares at airwaves* Considerable ichor loss…nice hit, Hephaestus.

Hephaestus~ Of course, my lord. Would you like me to do it again?

Aphrodite~ NO! I mean, isn't it a horrible idea?

Zeus~ I do suppose you're right…I mean, it's a wonderful idea! Young lady, are you trying to charmspeak the king of the gods?

Aphrodite~Ye…NO!

Iris~ Do we need to administer water from my dear friend Styx on you?

Aphrodite~ What I'm trying to say is…never mind.

Poseidon~ Is it even_ possible_ to charmspeak over a chat system?

Aphrodite~ Maybe. I mean, I did it. But maybe it was just a coincidence.

Athena~You're lucky we have such patience with creatures of such low intelligence. No wonder you're on here!

Aphrodite~ Urgh! Come on, honey, let's get you to Apollo.

Ares~ I dink by dose is bleeding.

Athena~ *laughs* Are you so stupid you can't even see?

Ares~ Id's hard to by own dose!

Athena~ You ARE stupid. TOO stupid. I'm sure your girlfriend has enough mirrors to plate your room silver.

Ares~ What?

Athena~ Obviously. I forgot. You haven't learned the word "mirror" yet.

Aphrodite~ C'mon, dear. Let's leave these losers…have a little US time…

Aphrodite has left the chat room.

Ares has left the chat room.

Hephaestus~ I should probably go too. A couple whacks with the sledge hammer and he'll be right next to Apollo. Teach my ninny of a wife a lesson.

Hermes~ *nods* Stick something the size of that in him and he's done for sure.

Zeus~ Yeah, I need to go too. It's getting dark out.

Hades.~ It's noon.

Zeus~ Oh yeah…uh…HELIOS! GET THE STUPID SUN DOWN! I'M THE KING OF THE GODS!

Zeus~ There we go… so it's getting dark out.

Poseidon~ Yeah, I need to hit the sack too…

_Hephaestus watched as one by one, the Olympians came up with their own reasons, said their goodbyes, and logged off. Then he smiled one last time, grabbed a mechanical pelican off of his work desk, and whispered "Point Me." The pelican sprang to life and flew out of his hand. Hephaestus grabbed his sledgehammer and lumbered off behind his pelican in hot pursuit of Ares and Aphrodite. Another day, another adventure, another argument. And tomorrow, he'd be back on the chat system for more of the fun._

**Yeah, ended quickly. I've got a ton more though, so R&R!**


	3. A Wallop in the Face

**OVERWHELMING RESPONSE! YOU PEOPLE ARE AWESOME! THANK YOU…uh…:**

**Posiedonfan123, JanCie9899, The Jazzy Dolphin, Whitney J. Ahn, DaughterOfKronosPlzDon'tKillMe(haha, I won't), 5Popcorn99, Grey-eyed-owl, and rhayshae! Woot! **

"_Oh, this is priceless!"_

_Hera turned away from a TV set streaming live from Hephaestus Radar. The picture, comical enough, was of Hephaestus towering over a cowering Aphrodite and Ares. Though she could have concentrated on it, she instead focused on the ongoing discussion. Scrolling to the very beginning, she began to read it over again, punctuating the dialogue with laughs…_

Hera~ Did you see Hephaestus Radar?

Demeter~Priceless.

Nike~ Ares? God of War? With the way his screaming for mercy up there? Don't make me laugh.

Nemesis~ If I didn't know better, I'd say he was faking.

Nike~ Too late. You made me laugh.

_Sure, it was short, but everybody was still on. There was quite enough room for more discussion. Hera just hoped this time they MIGHT stop fighting, but one comment and all thoughts of harmony vanished from her head…_

Zeus~ Er…I gotta go. Have to…um…feed the cows?

_Hera narrowed her eyes. Almost immediately, the motion sensor beeped blue, and the words "Narrows eyes" flashed onto the screen. Zeus wasn't stupid. He knew he could be exiled from Olympus via Styx Water at a single word from Hera._

Hera~*narrows eyes* Zeus, you are the laziest, most unproductive person I have ever seen. A slacker if I ever saw one. So tell me, WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

Zeus~ *Frantic panting, panic attack* I'm not going anywhere! Especially not to see another girl!

_Hera's dark eyes crinkled slightly as she smiled evilly. Hephaestus had done well. She waited for Zeus to register what had just happened. She was not disappointed._

Zeus~ Wait, who added the first four words?

Zeus~ Darn you Hephaestus.

Hera~ That's right. I bless his marriage, he rigs his chat network to include what you—only you—are thinking. Getting back on the subject though, I could get my friend to slip you Styx Water. Ain't that right, Iris?

Iris~ You betcha.

Zeus~ You can if you want. I'm not lying.

Hera~ Oh, I beg to differ. There's a difference between "I'm feeding the cows" and "I'm not seeing another girl."

Echo~ Girl! Girl! Girl! Girl!

Hera~ Echo helped you in a certain affair, if I remember correctly. Oh, and Echo?

Echo~ Yes? Yes? Yes? Yes?

Hera~ Please shut up. Now, Zeus, there is a difference. ISN'T THERE? *mean stare*

Zeus~ …

Hera~ Because I distinctly remember turning that girl…what'shername…oh yes, that girl. Iko into a cow and sending a fly to bite her. Fitting name, isn't it? Ik!

Zeus~ Please, no annoying nicknames. It's Io!

Hera~ I was too soft on her. I should have killed her.

Zeus~ You cold hearted idiot!

Hera~ You despicable, dimwitted cretin!

Iris~ Ouch…*wince*… HERA! DUCK, NO, DUCK! Wow…

Zeus~ *swings lightning bolt*

Hera~ OW! Did you have to scorch my bottom? I'm not 25 years old!

Zeus~ And that, darling wifey, was just the beginning. Because I'm so nice, I'll give you a 24 hour head start. But remember, I'm king of the gods. If I were you, I'd run. Now.

Hera has left the chat room.

_Hera wasn't a fool. As she rubbed her burnt bottom, she knew Zeus would leave off pursuit so he could visit his so called "cow." Snorting and plotting death to Io and every other one of the girls that caught Zeus' eye, she logged out and switched to viewing mode, where she could see everything but be undetected herself._

Zeus~ Now, I really need to see to those cows.

Zeus has left the chat room.

Demeter~ That was better than a soap opera!

Athena~ That was a perfect example of lesson number 2: Learn from the mistakes of others. Now you know not to be too lax of a husband or too protective of a wife…or vice-versa. Eh, Aphrodite and Hephaestus?

Hermes~ The can't hear you… I could take a message if you want.

Athena~ Nah, I'm good. Hephaestus Radar picks up everything.

Iris~ Yeah, and plus, she'd want me to take it. Not you.

Hermes~ Might I remind you that I'M the major god? Why don't you stick to making rainbows which enable the fairy pixie unicorns to travel to the Palace of Candyland?

Iris~ You…you…*sputters* soon those sisters of mine will be scratching your eyes out—you'll be sorry then!

Hermes~ What, those harps? I'm sure Apollo will enjoy having them make music.

Iris~ *screech* THEY'RE HARPIES! NOT HARPS!

Hermes~ Yeah, yeah, whatever.

Iris~ You do not dismiss my sisters with "whatever!"

Hermes~ At any rate, they'd want ME to take the message. No wonder, seeing as the alternative's sister spent her days torturing Phineas.

Iris~ **HE DESERVED IT!**

Dionysus~ Hmm, that tasted good. And before you ask, Zeus, YES, THE GINGER ALE WAS NON-ALCOHOLIC.

All~…

Dionysus~ What?

Poseidon~ Leave it to the old drunk to insert some random phrase into our sophisticated argument.

Hestia~ There is no such thing as a sophisticated argument. You are all acting like children.

Hermes~ Are you trying to pick a fight with us?

Hestia~ Let me remind you, I am the oldest Olympian. Just because I don't use my powers doesn't mean I don't have them. Now, are you sure you want to mess with me?

All~ …

*Fire roars*

All~ No ma'am

Hestia~ Good. *fire dies down*

Kronos~ Well, I'm a titan. I'm older than all of you.

All~ THIS CHATROOM IS TITAN-FREE! _**GET OUT!**_

Kronos~ I'm going, I'm going! Sheesh! But first…

Kronos~ *Wallop*

Hestia~ You…you…*sputters* my sacred fire!

_Everyone jumped as a tinny, programmed voice of Hephaestus leaped out of the machine. Leave it to him to come up with a way to advertise…_

Programmed Voice of Hephaestus~ For all you folks not tuned on to Hephaestus Radar, Hestia was recently smashed on the head with a snowball courtesy of our dear daddy, Kronos.

Hestia~ *outrage* You nearly put out my sacred fire!

Poseidon~ I deem myself not responsible for my following actions. Anything I do in the next ten seconds is purely inspired by the wildness. I claim no responsibility for this…

Poseidon~ *Splat*

Athena~ ARGH! I'M GOING TO GET YOU!

Poseidon~ What'd I do?

Hades~ Despite the disclaimer, you are going to get killed. The short version—you just threw an extra freezing, negative 800 degrees Fahrenheit seawater slushball at your mentally unstable niece. That was NOT. ADVISED.

Athena~ Alright. This, Poseidon, is for throwing the freezing half melted waste of all your precious seawater animals at your direct descendant. This, Hades, is for siding with the halfwit. And this, Kronos, is for daring to show your ugly face.

Kronos~ Look, Athena, we're sorry, it's just that—

Athena~ *Wallop*

_Hera shrieked as Iris smiled evilly and delivered a snowball to her face. Inspired by the random change of events, almost every Olympian got up and began to throw the snow on the ground at each other. Hera made a mental note in her mind to thank Khione for this, because snowball fights like these never happened on Olympus._

**R&R?**


	4. Goddess of Wisdom forgot to plan ahead?

**It was Christmas when I wrote this, so just pretend…**

**Woot! I love you all! That many reviews? I'm touched! Keep it up!**

**DISCLAIMER: ZILCH. I'M ONLY 12.**

_Athena screamed, all dignity forgotten, as another snowball blocked out her vision. Then she raised a hand, wiped it off, and proceeded to send her own at offending opponent, who couldn't even duck down before it creamed him in the face. Athena smirked. Really, when would Poseidon learn not to mess with the goddess of battle strategy?_

_A blue light pulsed on the chat system…_

Khione~ As much as I am a fan of winter merriment, would you please all stop snowball fighting!

_Athena obeyed the wishes of Khione, none to happy with the amount of snow covering her. Apparently, most of the other Olympians felt her pain._

All~ *Stops and sits down*

Athena~ Well, now that we got that out of our system…

Poseidon~ YOU got it out of YOUR system. The rest of us never stood a chance.

Hestia~ Don't be sad over it. Just admit she has good accuracy and a strong throw.

Hades~ *grumbles* Whatever.

Kronos~ Ha, I'm still here!

Khione~ You know what? I changed my mind. Let's play "pin the snowball on Kronos' face."

Kronos~ I'm leaving, I'm leaving!

Athena~ Too late. On the count of three. 1…2…3!

All~ *Splat*

Kronos has left the chat room.

_

* * *

Athena was dead. She was completely and utterly dead. But it was SO worth it. And apparently, the others agreed too. As she choked on her laughs, a conversation began to ensue, though how they managed to talk through their chuckles was anybody's guess…_

Hades~ I keep seeing Daddy Dearest's face as I creamed him with a snowball. THAT WAS HILARIOIUS!

All~*laughter*

Athena~ Lesson #3—never pick a fight that wasn't worth it!

Hermes~ …weird how these lessons keep reflecting what we're doing.

Hypnos~ *Wakes up* What'd I miss?

Demeter~what'd you miss? WHAT'D YOU MISS? ONLY THE GREATEST SNOW GAME OF ALL ETERNITY!

Dionysus~You missed "pin the snowball on Kronos' face!"

Hypnos~ At least it found its way into my dream. Thanks, Morpheus.

Morpheus~ Anytime, old buddy.

Hypnos~ *yawns* I don't envy Hera, Aphrodite, Hephaestus, Ares, or especially Zeus. Yep, Zeus will throw a fit about how he missed it.

Hestia~ True dat.

Zeus has entered the chatroom.

_Coincedence? Athena didn't think so. More like he heard his name in the air and came to see what he missed._

Zeus~ What did I miss?

Poseidon~ We played "pin the snowball on Kronos face."

Zeus~*beep*

_Who knew Hephaestus built in the profanity filter?_

Zeus~ Dionysus…

Dionysus~Hehe, that's me, right?

Zeus~ Dionysus, just because it's Christmas does NOT MEAN YOU CAN DRINK ALCOHOLIC EGGNOG!

Dionysus~ It's non-alcoholic! See? It says right here! A-l-c-o-h-o-l-i-c…oh…

All~ *Turn to angry Zeus*

Zeus~ Dionysus, deary?

Dionysus~ Yes, daddy?

Zeus~ You're hereby condemned to a year in Tartarus. It's your Christmas gift. The sooner you get in there, the sooner you get out.

Dionysus has left the chat room.

Kronos has entered the chat room.

Kronos~ *into walky talky* Kronos, enter…they haven't noticed me yet. Activate plan.

_Athena shook her head. Kronos had become just the slightest bit loopy since returning from Tartarus, but at least they wouldn't have to be afraid of him, ever again._

Zeus~ *yells* Hey, Daddykins!

Kronos~ Code red, code red. Abort mission.

Athena~Hmm…I think I missed a spot with the snowballs…c'mere, you.

Kronos~ Well, I've got an anti-snowball shield, so what are you gonna do now?

Hestia~ *takes out bucket of orange slop* I knew it was a good idea to save the pumpkin guts from the jack-o-lantern carving.

Nike~ Hestia, I never knew you had an evil side. *takes a handful of pumpkin guts.* Now, Kronos, on behalf of all the Olmpians, I'd like to wish you a very Merry Christmas. Here's your present!

Nike~ *wallop*

Hestia~ Free handful of squash goop! Limited time, throw it at Kronos' face!

All~ *grabs a handful of pumpkin goop*

All~ Merry Christmas!

All~ *wallop*

Kronos~ Augh! Ugh, this stuff will take millennia to wash off!

Nemesis~ You'd better start scrubbing. Unless you want some more?

Kronos has left the chat room.

* * *

Athena~ Lesson # 4…

Nemesis~ Please, no more lessons.

Nike~ Please continue, Athena.

Athena~ …Lesson #4 was to be resourceful. Use seemingly useless resources in good ways.

Hermes~ Why do these keep reflecting what we're doing?

Athena~ Because I was making them up as I go along!

All~ *turn to stare incredulously at Athena.*

_Okay, so maybe that wasn't her wisest choice…_

Athena~ I was kidding, guys, seriously.

Zeus~ It must be the fates!

All~ DARN YOU, FATES!

Fates 1, 2, and 3 have entered the chat room.

Fate1~ What?

Fate2~ What?

Fate3~ What?

Zeus~ Did you purposely rig the future so Athena's lessons would correspond with what we were doing?

Fate1~ No.

Fate2~ No.

Fate3~ No.

Athena~ Erm…I need to go to the…bathroom.

_Athena usually went with "fight" when her fight or flight response kicked in, but she decided, with Zeus around, she'd just go against her better judgment. Clicking morosely on "view" mode, she wondered if they'd ever be smart enough to realize…_

Athena has left the chat room.

Zeus~ Did you see that happening?

Fate1~ No. Why?

Fate2~ No. Why?

Fate3~ No. Why?

All~…

Demeter~ So she WAS making it up.

All~ ATHENA! GET YOUR SORRY BUTT ON HERE!

_Might as well get it over with, before Zeus sent out a search party to kill her._

Athena has entered the chat room.

Athena~ FINE! Fine! But they really make sense! And I can keep teaching while you have fun at the same time! It makes sense!

All~…

_Really, were all the Olympians so dimwitted?_

Poseidon~ *wallop*

Athena~ EEEEEEEEEEK!

Zeus~ I guess Athena isn't snowball proof.

_Athena then decided it was better to just get off. She felt no special longing to stay on there as the snowball slowly began to melt and drip off her chin onto the floor. Besides, she thought as she stormed toward the sink, she'd need to come up with more creative, painful ways to kill Poseidon._

**R&R? Oh, and thanks to my regular reviewers~ Whitney J. Ahn, 5popcorn99, DaughterOfKronosPlzDontKillMe, and Grey-eyed-owl! YOU GUYS ARE THE BEST!**


	5. All's Fair in Fighting Over Love and War

**Iris Cornelia Jade. What is **_**wrong**_** with you? No, scratch that. What's wrong with **_**FanFiction?**_** I'm sorry. I know, I have no excuse. But lately, whenever I tried to update, it always came up with an error message. If you're trying to upload a PJAO story in the last month or so, I'm sure you'll understand.**

**So, on with the story! I hope it doesn't shut down again in the next hour it takes me to type this…**

_Ares mopped his face angrily. Wasn't HE the God of war? So why was he defeated by another deity? God of the FORGE, no less! _

_Okay, so maybe Athena was more than right in saying that he was dumb. But he sure knew simple math. So, war+weapons= happy, bloody, gory battle that can satisfy all of Ares' needs. However, when it becomes war+weapons+girl they both like, things got complicated._

_But that still didn't explain why he had been beat up by Hephaestus. _

_Logging on, he sighed. Aphrodite had left to go apply some more makeup or whatever, so he might as well find something to laugh about…_

* * *

Ares has entered the chat room.

Hephaestus has entered the chat room.

Hades~ Wasn't Aphrodite with you Ares?

Ares~ She left. Makeup again.

Hestia~ *Sighs* I swear, if she keeps this up, she's going to drown us all in cosmetic goop.

Athena~ Well, if she's not with you, Ares, she's probably with _you, _Hephaestus.

Hephaestus~ Nope. But then again, _you_ know, Athena…

Athena~ And at that, I'd have to agree with you. I _do _know.

_Ares scratched his head. What was going on?_

Ares~ *Scratches head like the ape he is.*

Ares~ Uh-uh. NO virtual blackmail. Just because you're the maker of this site does NOT mean we are subject to your humiliation!

Hephaestus~ What, you don't want me to tell you that your girlfriend got beaten up by someone?

_Ares jumped out of his chair and did a quick round trip to the bathroom. Pulling a face at the various shades of lipstick now staining his collection of weapons, he flew back to the computer._

Ares~ *Jumps up.* WHERE IS SHE?

Athena~ You know how I was gone for a while back there when I went to supposedly "go to the bathroom?" *Makes air-quotes*

Ares~ Yeah…

Athena~ Well, I challenged her to a duel. She's currently waiting for Apollo to get better so she can get a face implant.

Hephaestus~ Hephaestus Radar picked it up.

Ares~ How dare you?

Athena~ *Bored* Face it, your girlfriend is a wimp. A stupid wimp, at that.

_Ares immediately jumped to Aphrodite's defense, though rather reluctantly at that. Yes, she was girly, but she was his girly girlfriend, so he would live with it_

Ares~ Either way, she's pretty, which is more than YOU can say!

Athena~ Your "girlfriend" is going to brain you for not calling her "beautiful."

_Instinctively, Ares reached for his head. He didn't really need another injury._

Ares~ She's very supportive of me!

Athena~ Whatever. You're just sour because I'm more important than you.

Ares~ *Voice raises two octaves* I'm the God of War!

Athena~ *Likewise* And I'm the Goddess of Battle Strategy!

Ares~ During the Peloponnesian War, my side won and your side lost!

Athena~ At least I didn't run home for "mommy and daddy" to heal my "boo-boos", which is more than YOU can say!

Ares~ I'm the God of War!

Athena~ Oh, get it through your thick skull, won't you? I. AM. THE. GODDESS. OF. BATTLE. STRATEGY!

Hestia~ AND I AM THE GODDESS OF PEACE! AND I COMMAND WE ALL _**BE QUIET!**_

All~ *Turn to stare at Hestia*

Hermes~ I thought you were the goddess of peace.

Hestia~ I am! Whaddya mean…oh…

Hestia~ It's okay to scream and be unpeaceful in the name of peace.

Nike~ *Shakes head slowly* I…don't…_think_…so…

Hades~ Nemesis, what's the verdict?

Nemesis~ ?

Athena~ You're the goddess of justice. Whatever you say is fair.

Nemesis~ I say…

All~ *Leans forward*

Nemesis~ *Raving spasm.* YOU ARE A HYPOCRITE! YOU GO AGAINST YOUR OWN TEACHINGS! I DON'T NEED YOU TO ASK ME TO ASK YOU TO NEED ME TO JUDGE!

Hephaestus~ Maybe I should shut down the chat system.

Hermes~ Are you kidding me? This is the most fun I've had since Ares shot his own butt in World War I!

Ares~ I RESENT THAT!

Aphrodite has entered the chat room.

Artemis has entered the chat room.

_Ares shook his head slowly. More math—Goddess of Love+ Goddess of the Boy-Haters=Recipe for Disaster…_

Aphrodite~ Well, try it!

Artemis~ No! Orion already died, and he's the only one that had the slightest possibility, and even he had a grand total of _never!_

Dionysus has entered the chat room.

Dionysus~ Well, arguing about love…AGAIN.

Zeus~ I thought I told you to go to Tartarus!

Dionysus~ You'd be surprised how strong of a signal you get from the center of the Earth!

Zeus~…

Zeus~ Continue, Artemis and Aphrodite.

Hestia~ *Mutters* And cue World War III…

Ares~ Aphrodite, weren't you getting a face transplant?

_If she was cheating on him, he would team up with Hephaestus. Cheating wife+ Cheating girlfriend=two very pissed of deities, which also = Not. Good._

Artemis~ Well, she WAS getting one. Good job, by the way, Athena.

Athena~ Thank you.

Artemis~ Anyway, my huntress, Phoebe, got burned by a chimera, so I too her to Apollo. I saw Aphrodite there, and she started the age long feud, as usual. *Rolls eyes.*

Aphrodite~ Oh, grow up and LIKE SOMEBODY already!

Artemis~ Explain why I would!

Aphrodite~ :) All U need is 3 :)…

Fate 1~ How do you make a smiley face on chat?

Fate 2~ How do you make a smiley face on chat?

Fate 3~ How do you…

Poseidon~ ENOUGH WITH THE THREE-PEATS!

Artemis~ If I remember correctly, the writer of that song went insane and ended his days in a lunatic asylum, and finally got himself a one-way ticket to the fields of punishment!

Hades~ I remember that guy. Multiple personality disorder. Kept arguing with himself about whether Cerberus was a Labrador Retriever or a Saint Bernard. Of course, as well al know, the answer is—

All~ Neither!

Hades~ And did I tell you about the time he wanted to go swimming in the River Styx? I…*glances at an angry Artemis* …never mind. Continue, Artemis.

Artemis~ As I was saying, I see no reason why anyone should be in love. Period.

Aphrodite~ Aw, lighten up, sweetie!

Artemis~ *Launches herself at Aphrodite* _**You do not call me sweetie!**_

Aphrodite~ *Shreiks* AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! ARES! ZEUS! HEPHAESTUS! ANYBODY! HEEEEEEEEEEEEELP MEEEEEEEEEEE!

Hephaestus~ *Lightly* You know, I find it rather disturbing that she asked me last.

Artemis~ I *punch* will *punch* not *punch* fall *punch* in *punch* love! *punch*

_Aphrodite gave a small sob. Ares wasn't quite sure whether it was from emotion or pain, but he decided it wasn't worth it to interfere. He knew from experience—as all the Olympians did at some point or another—that Artemis could hit HARD._

Aphrodite~ *Sob* You will. Someday in the future, you will find your perfect match and live happily ever after.

Artemis~ Stop that! *punch*

Aphrodite~ Stop what?

Artemis~ Stop acting like I've got a problem! *Jumps away*

Aphrodite~ *Sighs in relief*

Artemis~ Eugh, you prat! Look what you've done! I've got Aphrodite germs now! I'll probably die of Aphrodite-itis!

Zeus~ Aphrodite-itis?

Athena~ As much as I like to stick to facts, I will justify that Aphrodite is indeed sick enough to make anyone within a 10 mile radius suffer from this new disease.

Hephaestus~ YOU'RE in a ten mile radius.

Athena~ Meh, good point… *scoots back.*

Aphrodite~ Oh, chill. I have no disease. Besides, my perfume makes you irresistible to the others…

Artemis~ *Notches arrow* Don't make me shoot this, okay?

Aphrodite~ *Pales* Now, sweetie, I'm sure we can discuss something—

Artemis~ Oh, bad move, lovesick lunatic, BAD MOVE! *Fires*

*Aphrodite disappears in a puff of smoke*

Athena~ It must be Kronos!

All~ *Panic*

_Ares rolled his eyes and picked up the bit of yellow._

Ares~ As usual, you over-think things. *Picks up yellow note*

Artemis~ I'll take that. I'd like to figure out why my hostage escaped.

Athena~ I mean, she's obviously not smart enough to do it on your own.

Hades~ You said it.

Zeus~ Oh, stop gabbing and shut your trap. Gimme that! *Snatches and reads note out loud* Dearest Olympians,

We find it our solemn duty to report that this Olympian has suffered too many injuries and has been shipped to Apollo Healing Unit. Do not be alarmed. This is not a Titan attack. Then again, this no doubt happened because you were bickering your stupid heads off again, so don't bother.

Stay cool,

Apollo.

All~ *Turn to stare at an angry Artemis*

Artemis~ *Grits teeth* I will personally track down that wayward brother of mine all the way to the ends of the Earth, rip him into pieces with my bare hands, stew his ichor in chicken noodle soup, and feed it spoonful by spoonful into Aphrodite's ugly face.

Artemis has left the chat room.

Zeus~ Well…after that pleasant interval…I'm going to go wash my eyelids and get rid of that image.

Athena~ I'll stay on to blackmail Poseidon.

Poseidon~ Oh, look, here's…um…Delphine! And we need to talk about…um…the color of the ocean! So…bye!

Poseidon has left the chat room.

Zeus has left the chat room.

Athena~ *Sighs* There goes my entertainment…ah well, maybe later.

Athena has left the chat room.

Hades~ The color of the ocean?

Demeter~ Something about "turquoise" or "sapphire"…Anyway, I'm going to go prepare for Persephone's arrival, and so should you, Hades.

Hades has left the chat room.

Demeter has left the chat room.

* * *

_Ares scanned the remaining members and left in disgust after realizing the people who bickered the most were gone._

"_What's the use of a family," he grumbled, "if they don't __**fight**__ at all?"_

_So, naturally, he left for the TV and vented his anger by starting another revolution in Libya._

**Again, sorry! So…R&R?**

**PS—5Popcorn99, I'll definitely use your idea sometime! :) And Whitney J. Ahn, thank you for being so dedicated! :) **


	6. It's a Jungle Out Here

**I have no excuse.**

* * *

_Poseidon stared blankly at the screen. He didn't have a single thing to say. Should he have? After Artemis's unspeakable threat, there really weren't any words. She hadn't really given much space for chat. But that wasn't new. Artemis often killed conversation with her threats. However, it seemed Hephaestus seemed to be favoring sarcasm today…_

* * *

All~Silence

* * *

_Poseidon had to say __**something**__. The silence was a bit too unnerving. So, naturally, he said the first thing he could think of. Unfortunatly, with him already number one on Athena's __Kill if Immortals Can be Killed__, what he said was probably not the wisest._

* * *

Poseidon~ Athena, don't you think you've had Athens for long enough?

Athena~ What?

* * *

_Poseidon inwardly cringed. Badly. He was doomed. However, if he was already in, he should probably keep going…even if he got killed._

* * *

Poseidon~ You've had it for two millennia. Now it's my turn. I'm going to name it Poseidonia and have all the little fishes swimming around in shallow water that floods the whole city, with bunches of decorative coral all around and pretty columns of greek fire along with…*rambles on*

* * *

_And he was really getting into it, too._

* * *

_Zeus sighed. Poor, bizzare older brother. Saltwater had addled his brains. Far too much._

* * *

Zeus~ Is he always like this whenever I'm not around?

Hades~ Yep.

Poseidon~ So, Athena, what do you think?

Nike~ Did the big three just say three things in a row? Wow.

Athena~ Dream on, Kelp Brain.

Poseidon~ Can you at least use some of my ideas?

Hermes~ *Nervous chuckle* Um…let's not, and say we did.

Poseidon~WAAAAAAAAAH!

Ares~ Oh, shut up with your wailing, you big baby! I'm keeping track of this one revolt, and I can't concentrate with your screaming! Just shut your trap, or I'll send you back to Tartarus the hard way! *Taps Sword*

Poseidon hath left the chat room.

Nemesis~ Is it just me, or did Hephaestus suddenly switch us to ancient language?

Athena~ What do you mean?

Nemesis~ From "has" to "hath."

Hades~ If I didn't know better, I'd say Hephaestus is probably mocking us. But I know better, so I think Hephaestus is _definitely _mocking us.

Nyx has entered the chat room.

Nyx~ I'm sorry that I didn't meet the deadline, but I was feeding my crows. Which, by the way, are the best animals.

Zeus~ Nuh-uh. Eagles all the way.

Athena~ You guys have horrible taste. Obviously, owls embody every virtue anyone could hope for.

Ares~ Did someone reject boars?

Hestia~ *Sighs* Obviously, Ares prefers the pigs.

Zeus~ It's at times like these when I wonder if the fates are purposely messing up the children of Hera…

Hera~ Keep it coming, and you'll be getting a real injury.

Zeus~ Never mind.

IMaimYou~ No, it's _boar,_ not pig.

All~ GET BACK IN THE DEMIGOD CHATROOM WHERE YOU BELONG!

…

Zeus~ Wait, why did the _demigods_ get actual usernames? UNFAIR!

Ares~ Who is that, anyway?

IAmNotASeaweedBrain~ Wow, Clarisse…your own dad doesn't even know you!

SmarterThanYou~ Yes, yes you are a Seaweed Brain.

IAmNotASeaweedBrain~Oh, shut up, Annabeth. For a girlfriend, you are surprisingly irritating.

ICanFryYouToACrisp~ Nice one, Annabeth.

ICanFryYouToACrisp2~ I told you to change your username. I WANTED TO BE THAT!

Zeus~ Which of my children are you?

Hades~ What do you mean? You can't name a child "ICanFryYouToACrisp." It's a complete sentence! Names, on the other hand, are usually derived from foreign languages that are warped slightly to sound more sophisticated!

All~…

Hestia~Athena-syndrome is kicking in.

Athena~ *Mutters* I resent that. I doubt I would _ever_ say, "warped slightly to sound more sophisticated." Honestly, _how_ my family became so _stupid…_

Hermes~ I reject to that remark very strongly.

Nike~ Oh, shut it.

Nemesis~ Is there such thing as fate syndrome? I mean, if there's Athena-Syndrome…anyway, first, Fates 1, 2, and 3. Now ICanFryYouToACrisp and ICanFryYouToACrisp2.

Ares~ Anyone get the feeling that that's more of a mouthful anyone actually wants to say?

SmarterThanYou~Stop whining, you big ninny. Oh, it's no _wonder_ mom hates your guts, I can see that now…Anyway, guys, we'd better run.

ICanFryYouToACrisp~ Yeah…so you guys can stop talking about us like we're racks of meat that aren't even there…

ICanFryYouToACrisp2~ Oh, be quiet, Sister! Why couldn't you just go to your usual "DeathToBarbie" username you use on everything else?

ICanFryYouToACrisp~ Because I enjoy annoying you, my dear, sweet brother. Anyway, we'd better run.

SmarterThanYou has left the chat room.

IAmNotASeaweedBrain has left the chat room.

ICanFryYouToACrisp has left the chat room.

IMaimYou has left the chat room.

ICanFryYouToACrisp2~ I hope Thalia left to change her name. I mean, don't the youngest people get what they want? I'm so much younger—oh, for Zeus's sake! She's not going to change it, is she?

Zeus~ What was that you said about me?

ICanFryYouToACrisp2~ Erm…hehe…never mind, Daddy.

Dionysus~Soooo…wha's ur name, cmper? Heheheheeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Zeus~ How in the name of Kronos do you get alcoholic beverages IN TARTARUS?

Dionysus~ Hades have mercy!

Zeus~*Bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeep*

Dionysus~ What? It's true! Hades had mercy and gave me some wine!

Hades~ *Sighs* Ah, that's the dear, kind, misunderstanding brother that often flies into fits that we all know and somewhat love. Now, ICanFry whatever whatever, what is your name?

ICanFryYouToACrisp2~Jason.

Hera~Jason? YOU CAME BACK FROM THE DEAD? You're alive! YES!

ICanFryYouToACrisp2~ No, the _other_ Jason.

Athena~The Adjacent? Adjacent…OOH, angles! That reminds me of a lecture I was giving at the University of—

ICanFryYouToACrisp2~ No, as in, my name is Jason.

Hypnos~*Snore* *Wakes up suddenly* Wait, what? Mother? What? WHAT? Oh…so sorry, dear boy…what's your name?

ICanFryYouToACrisp2~JASON!J-A-SO-N!MY NAME! J-A-S-O-N!J-A-S-O-N!J!A!S!O!N! JAAAAAAAASOOOOOON!

All~ *Stunned Silence*

ICanFryYouToACrisp2~ Oh, if you were mortals…I Can Fry You To A Crisp…

ICanFryYouToACrisp2 has left the chat room.

Nike~Did he go off to ask ICanFryYouToACrisp the first about it?

Fate 1~ Apparently…she said her name…

Fate 2~ Sis, I think "Jason" is a he…

Nemesis~ Wait, you guys don't know the difference between boy names and girl names?

Fate 2~ Well, it was kind of hard and all, with her—HIM screaming non-stop and all…

Nemesis~ Well, you can't _hear_ it. It appears on a screen.

Fate 2~ Well, it just so happens that my sister here keeps saying everything on the screen exactly as it is.

Fate 1~ My ears haven't stopped bleeding yet.

Fate 3~ Sorr-eee…

Ares~ Hey, did you—

Fate 3~ Yes, we stopped the three-peats. If you celebrate about it in any form or fashion whatsoever I shall personally rip your eyes out.

Athena~ Why don't we stop having multiple personality disorder and stick to one argument? See, owls wouldn't be so stupid.

Hades~ I am with Nyx. Ravens are dominant.

Ares~ Boars have made me who I am today! *Flexes muscles*

Zeus~ Thanks for the warning. Now I know to avoid boars.

Ares~ DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE! *Swings sword randomly*

* * *

_Really, Zeus should have seen that coming. But the thought didn't occur to him as he was maimed by Ares. There really __**was**__ something wrong with the children of Hera…_

* * *

_Ares usually didn't do that, unless he was in a really good mood. But Kadafi was still not giving in to the revolutionaries, which meant the revolution was still going strong…so things were going great._

* * *

*All Olympians except for Ares poofed, replaced by a multitude of yellow notes.*

Ares~ *Reads aloud* Dearest Ares—yes, we know who you are. Only you could kill so many people at once without stopping. All these relatives have been shipped to Apollo Healing Unit. In addition, Zeus would like to add that as soon as he gets back, he's going to give you a millennium in Tartarus. Have a good day!

~Apollo~

Ares~ Zeus, if you've left any tracking devices, just for the benefit of those…I'm leaving now.

Ares has left the chat room.

*All previous Olympians poof back, considerably bandaged and stitched up.*

Athena~ *Grumbles* My elite owl force would have pecked his beady little eyes out.

Hades ~ *Snorts* You kidding? Owls can't see in broad daylight.

Athena~ They're nocturnal, you twit.

Hermes~ A snake could choke owls _and_ ravens.

Zeus~ Eagles eat snakes!

Hestia~ Eagles are endangered! Besides, A phoenix can burn it **all** up, and can heal at the same time!

Zeus~ Pheonix are even more endangered! They're practically extinct!

Athena~…That's why they're considered mythical.

Demeter~ Bees spread life!

Hades~ Me and Nyx are pro-death! It's two against one!

Artemis~ My sacred deer are both life _and_ death! I WIN!

Aphrodite~ My beautiful doves are better than your mangy, flea-bitten deer!

All~ Since when did you guys come in?

Athena~ I thought Aphrodite was running for her life away from you?

Hades~ Yeah, that's not the ideal time to chat.

Artemis~ Since Aphrodite flew to the Phillipines and I'm on an adjoining flight, I decided to be able to threaten her from here.

Zeus~ Wow, Aphrodite's really roughing it. *Sarcasm*

Hephaestus~ Broken any nails, my dearest wife?

Aphrodite~ *Shrieks* Of course my nails are broken! I don't even have time tocurl my hair! My mascara is smudging everywhere…oh!

Hephaestus~…I was being sarcastic. Seriously.

Nike~ Being the goddess of victory, I predict that Artemis will win.

Aphrodite~…I hate you.

Nike~ That'll earn you 10 more losses.

Aphrodite~ Losses in what?

Nike~ In the soccer games Artemis will make you enter after you lose.

Aphrodite~ I'm just going to log off and keep running.

Aphrodite has left the chat room.

Artemis~ Right now, people world-wide are watching deer shoot retractable antlers at doves in the sky.

Hermes~ Humans haven't discovered that deer have retractable antlers yet. That wasn't supposed to come until 2072. Hm…

*Zap*

All~What was that?

Hermes~ *Smug* A bunch of cobras has come to strangle them all.

Artemis~ !Why you little…

Hermes~ Watch that blood pressure. Too much animal fat weakens the heart.

Zeus~The snakes were eaten by eagles. _Nobody_ threatens my favorite daughter.

Zeus~ Although eagles _are_ better than deer…

Athena~ Owls would be swarming too, only humans haven't seen owls up in the day and Zeus forbids any show or weird powers unknown yet to mankind.

Hestia~ Hey, so how come Artemis can show the retractable antlers?

Artemis~ Privilege of Daddy's favorite. *Smug smile*

Zeus~ I give you permission. Let's see how strong your owls are against my eagles.

Athena~ Oh, bring it on, lightning head!

*Athena and Zeus concentrate fiercely*

Hades~ What about me? I don't have permission.

Athena~ Oh, get ready, because you're next.

Hades~ Why me?

Athena~ For agreeing with Poseidon when he threw a snowball at me.

Hades~ That was almost…I don't know how much time ago!

Athena~ Who cares? Never pass up the chance to get revenge…my, there's going to be a lot of bird poop floating in the ocean today.

Hermes~ My cobras are going to permanently infest Athens. I have a…temporary alliance with Poseidon.

Athena~*Zap*

Hermes~ ARGH! I TAKE IT BACK! TAKE IT BACK!

Athena~ I may be the Goddess of architecture, but it takes a unique mind to perfect the blend of water and pepper in pepper spray.

* * *

_And so, Zeus sighed and continued talking. Happy day it would be, when all of them could argue in peace for the rest of eternity…_

* * *

**You might want to remember that Athena likes pepper spray, it will come in handy next chapter…**

**R&R?**


	7. The Moon can Hate and The Sun Has an Ego

**Quick update…**

**R&R**

* * *

_Hermes could have puked, cried, and laughed right after another. The pepper spray was making white gunk flow down his face, and the pain was unbearable…but it was __**so**__ worth it, in the good way for once._

* * *

Artemis has entered the chat rom.

Aphrodite has entered the chat room.

_This could be good…_

Artemis~ I got her! I got the idiot!

Athena~ AN IDIOT? WHERE?

* * *

_Luckily, Hermes had enough sense to go with his reflexes._

* * *

All~ *Ducks as Athena swings pepper spray*

Aphrodite~ OW! Was that supposed to be a direct hit to my face?

Athena~ Oh, sorry. I just have a reflex, being the goddess of _wisdom_ and all—when I'm in a two foot radius of anyone dumb, I feel the need to go ahead and burn their eyes out. Anyway, feel free to take her away, Artemis.

Artemis~ Hurry up, dear half-sister! First soccer game starts in 10 minutes!

Aphrodite~ *Groans* Don't remind me.

Athena~ Oh, and Aphrodite?

Aphrodite~ Yeah?

Athena~ *Zap*

Athena~ Make sure you walk a block away before travelling. Hm…your eyes are red…it looks like they're watering.

Aphrodite has left the chat room.

Artemis has left the chat room.

* * *

_Hermes decided the best way to beg—__**ask **__for forgiveness was when Athena's pepper spray was safely tucked into her pocket and she was still laughing from torturing Aphrodite._

* * *

Hermes~ So…am I forgiven?

Athena~ For killing my owls, infesting Athens, and siding with the Carp Head?

Hermes~ Uh…yeah?

Athena~ Oh, I suppose so.

Hermes~ Phew.

Athena~ Please tell me I'm allowed to kill you, now that the pointless drama is over.

Hermes~ You just said you forgave me!

Athena~ For those three reasons. You forgot one.

Hermes~ What?

Athena~ We're family, so, naturally, we kill each other.

Hades~ *Creepy horror voice* Athena has spoken. Heed her words or face her wrath.

Zeus~ Oh, shut up.

Apollo has entered the chat room.

Apollo~ Oh, darn Artemis and her evil plans. Aphrodite's ichor tastes like designer perfume!

Hestia~ I thought it was a figure of speech. You're telling me she meant her threat literally?

Dionysus~ Never mind _**that**_. What I want to know is why _Apollo's_ being fed _Aphrodite's_ ichor when Artemis's threat clearly stated that _Aphrodite_ was to be fed_ Apollo's _ ichor.

Athena~ And isn't it just _such_ a coincidence that they all start with the letter a?

Artemis has entered the chat room.

Artemis~ There is absolutely _nothing_ to do!

Fate1~ Weren't you torturing Aphrodite?

Artemis~ She passed when I told her about the sumo-wrestling, and assorted male beings are currently attempting "the kiss of life." It was so disgusting, I had to leave. There's nothing to do!

Apollo~ You could check your email…

Artemis~ Apollo, don't tell me you sent _another_ bunch of emails asking for control of the moon…

Apollo~ 1,000 emails to be exact.

Hephaestus~ Exactly _how_ much spare time do you have?

Apollo~ A lot. 850,000,000,000 millennia so far, to be exact.

Hephaestus~ *Mutters* Knew I shouldn't have asked…

Artemis~ In which time he's sent me innumerable amounts of spam asking me if he can have the moon. Honestly…_why_ I don't just redirect him to the spam folder…

Apollo~ Because I'm your brother, and my awesomeness gets me whatever I want. Speaking of which, can I have the moon now?

Artemis~ NO! *Shrieking*

Apollo~ *Grumbles* Fine. The sun is better than the stupid old moon anyway…

Zeus~ Wow, sour grapes much?

Dionysus~ Excuse me?

Zeus~ Never mind.

Artemis~ If the moon is so stupid, why do you want it?

Apollo~ So I can make sure it never appears again.

Artemis~ Oh really?

Apollo~ Yeah. I mean, it's taken over by the feminist freak who is so dependent and overprotective she won't let it go no matter what.

Artemis~ Oh, that is _it_, brother. You are so very, very, very dead.

Apollo~ You're not actively defending it…

Artemis~ You want proof? Fine. Without the moon, no one could see in the night. People couldn't live!

Apollo~ Does the word "candle" mean anything to you?

Hephaestus~ Being in the 21st century and all, I believe the word is _light bulb._

Eos~ Besides, my children would light up the night. You know, the stars?

Artemis~ Says the girl who has about 5,000 boyfriends at once!

Eos~ Hey, Aphrodite cursed me! Besides, I'm older than you. Who're _you_ calling "girl?"

Artemis~ Which would explain why you're a minor goddess and I'm a major goddess. I bet you're just siding with that stupid twin of mine because you think he's "hot!"

Apollo~ I am!

Artemis~ *Snappish* I mean figuratively, and in everyone else's opinion. We know the real sun is hot, and we know you're an egotistical prat, so you can shut up now.

Eos~ Whateva. I just think the sun is better. Which is why I'm the _dawn_ instead of the _dusk._

Apollo~ Two versus one, no contest, sis.

Artemis~ Are _**any**_ of you going to side with me?

*Crickets chirp*

*Awkward silence*

Artemis~ Fine. This whole matter can easily be rearranged. *Draws arrow*

Apollo~ Sis, take it easy. Don't do anything rash—

*Whoosh as the arrow flies by*

Artemis~ You know, I did imagine that a flint arrowhead in the face would hurt…but it looks good on him, don't you think? It _suits_ you, brother! Feel free for another one any time! I wonder if you can operate on yourself?

All~ *Laughter*

Artemis~ *Turns slowly*

All~ *Gulp*

* * *

_It really shouldn't have surprised him that the next thing he felt was considerable pain. He didn't even bother trying to dodge it—I mean, who stands a chance against…well…Artemis?_

* * *

*Whoosh whoosh whoosh whoosh whoosh whoosh whoosh whoosh whoosh.*

Artemis~ Why are you all stumbling around like that?

Zeus~ The pain! Oh, it burns!

Artemis~ *Exasperated* Oh, for the love of corn, just pull it out and get it over with!

Hades~ You like corn?

*Whoosh*

Hades~ Ouch, okay! You didn't need to send another arrow!

*Whiz*

*Splat*

Artemis~ WHO DID THAT?

Athena~ Anyone who concentrated hard enough _might_ have seen that snowball fly by, but I think most of us just saw slushball impact.

Artemis~ Athena, you have it coming.

*Whiz*

*Splat*

* * *

_In their defense, the Olympians really did need a time off…and freezing their butts off as they screamed at each other was the cheapest way to do it and be able to yell at each other at the same time._

* * *

Khione~ Why do I even bother trying to tame these snow beasts?

All~ WE'RE NOT SNOW BEASTS!

Khione~ Then for Zeus's sake, act civilized!

Aphrodite has entered the chat room.

Aphrodite~ Yet another match made in heaven… see for yourself on Hephaestus Radar.

Athena~ *Yelps* You made yet _**another**_ one of my daughters fall in love with a son of that _**KELP BRAIN?**_

Aphrodite~ Like Romeo and Juliet! Forbidden love…

Athena~ While I like Shakespeare well enough, I don't approve of this…_relationship_, for lack of better term, and neither should you.

Aphrodite~ Athena, I don't need your approval to make love happen. It's my _job_, remember? Besides, I don't ask you to make certain people become smarter. For example, Hermes here…

* * *

_Well, if he had been paying attention…but having just taken another soul to the Underworld, all he caught was his name._

* * *

Hermes~ Listen, I know you all love me, but there's no reason to talk about me non-stop.

Aphrodite~ Oh, sorry. Next time I'll let you know before I make your children ugly.

Hermes~ Don't you dare, or I'll…

Aphrodite~ Will what? Oh, wait! You're going to ban my children from being able to run track? Worse…comeback…ever! LAMEO!

* * *

_Hermes could have told her what he was doing, but he decided to watch instead of talk as he tapped a quick text to Boreas telling him to blow Aphrodite's designer perfume shipment off course._

* * *

Athena~ Lameo? *Laughs*I'm glad I didn't make you smart—you crack me up with your dumb comebacks!

Aphrodite~ You're just jealous of me because nobody likes you.

Athena~ Artemis likes me. Daddy likes me. Hera likes me. Everybody likes me—you're just too stupid to understand.

Aphrodite~ Oh, at least I'm smarter than _you!_

Zeus~ You've **got** to be kidding me…

Athena~ Oh yeah? How many synonyms to the word "idiot" do you know?

Aphrodite~ Um…stupid?

Athena~ WRONG! Stupid is an adjective. Idiot is a noun. You could have said cretin, dumbo, failure, blockhead…

Hades~ Oh brother…

* * *

_It was at that point that Hermes decided to go take Aphrodite's shipment of neon nail polish off the post list in person. Unfortunately, that took too short of an amount of time…_

* * *

Athena~…dimwit, dork, dunce, fool, ninny, nincompoop, moron, nitwit! By the way, you're all of those.

Aphrodite~ ZZZZZZZZZ *Snore*

Athena~ _**WAKE….UP…..NOW!**_

All~ *Bleary eyed* Let me sleep…

Hypnos~ *Yawn* ZZZZZZ….Hahahahaha…

Hera~ Hypnos, what's going on?

Hypnos~ *Dreaming* ZZZ…hehe…I'm going to play a trick on Hera…

Hera~ *In Hypnos's ear* RUN FOR YOUR LIFE, HERA!

Hypnos~ *Wakes up* Augh! What? Sleepy…

Zeus~ Do you need some coffee?

Hypnos~ 3x whp crm…w/ crml drzle + pmp f chclte

Athena~…Say what now?

Hypnos~ 3 pumps…of whipped cream…with caramel drizzle…and a pump of chocolate…

Apollo~ Wow, just talking about coffee wakes you up..

Hestia~ Thank goodness you're up. Now we won't need to see Hera's fail attempt at coffee.

Hera~ Hey, it's not my fault that you're the goddess of the home and hearth!

Artemis~ I sense a fight coming on…

Hades~ Now they're going to purposely defy you.

Apollo~ Artemis is mad

Because there is no fighting

Between all the gods.

Hermes~ I'm worried about Apollo. Lately he hasn't been making…what did Athena say? "Random professions of self-proclaimed greatness."

Apollo~ Woah snap, you're right! I'm completely forgot! How about…

Artemis is Mad

Because the Gods aren't Fighting

Apollo's the Best

Athena~ Other than the fact that the last line had _nothing_ to do with the others, may I inquire **why** there's random capitalization?

Hephaestus~ Me. Since Apollo's ego is so huge, I figured he'd like that…

Artemis~ Whatever. I'm leaving…hey, Hephaestus, d'you mind shutting down the system for today? I have a feeling there's going to be a full scale riot soon…

Hephaestus~ Why?

Artemis~ Oh, nothing…just a gut feeling.

* * *

"_Oh, how I hate Artemis's gut feelings…"_

_Hermes figured the gut feeling had something to do with the text Artemis had sent all the deities, labeled "I dare you" in capital letters._

"_Everyone has a different dare…" Hermes scrolled through the long monologue._

"_Hermes, the dare I have specifically for __**you**__ is…"_

_Yep, there was definitely going to be a full scale riot._

_And, as he idly pressed on the "Shut down" button, he found himself wondering two things._

_1) What everyone else had as a dare._

_2) How Artemis was going to look when everyone killed her tomorrow. _


	8. VERY IMPORTANT AUTHOR'S NOTE

**~* HIATUS NOTICE *~**

Okay, so you probably all saw this coming. I suppose I was on informal hiatus notice _anyway_, what with not updating since the last century or so (large exaggeration). But I might as well make this official.

I may not be updating (Paint the Sky/Chatroom fit for the Gods) for quite a while.

Okay, let me recap. Maybe 'quite a while' isn't right. 'Indefinitely' is more like it.

There are two drastically different reasons, and it depends on whether you're reading Chatroom Fit for the Gods_ or _Paint the Sky.

**WHY I WON'T BE UPDATING CHATROOM FIT FOR THE GODS**

If you refer to the first chapter, you'll see that I wrote I had 'about ten pages' of it done, which wasn't quite true. It was actually 14 pages, which I thought would be more than adequate to curb off any necessary work until Chapter 10. The thing is, I didn't realize that '14 pages' related to 'about five chapters' in Fanfiction, because there are multiple pages in a chapter and I was an ignorant newbie back then. Combined with a mixture of sloppy handwriting, homework, and a bit of procrastination which I duly apologize for, I ended up finding myself in a desperate struggle juggling two different multi-chapters and a variety of plot bunnies by Chapter 4. Nevertheless, I managed, and I was fully willing to complete it until I was bombarded with a series of seperate hiatuses for different reasons.

Hiatus 1) Fanfiction broke down.

Hiatus 2) I was lazy (I'm so sorry...)

Hiatus 3) I was in China, and Fanfiction was blocked in China.

And now I'm on Hiatus 4.

There's a reason for this one.

As my friend's birthday draws ever closer, I've come to realize I'm doing rather horribly on her birthday present. You may be thinking, "what does that have to do with anything?" Well, the truth of it is that she specifically requested a PJAO multi-chapter. In fact, I have the prologue of that up already (see my other PJAO story 'String'), but her birthday doesn't get any farther. I don't think I'm going to accommodate all of it by her birthday, but I really want to get a good dent in it, and I definitely won't be able to flit between three multiple-chapter-fictions. I'm sorry, but that's the truth. The good news is that I have a pretty good general idea of what the next chapter is going to be, so I _might_ be getting it up...say, by the end of the year? I'd story-alert this if you like it and haven't already. I actually completed the chapter, but that was in China, during Hiatus 3, and the government...well, deleted it.

Don't worry, it will DEFINITELY be completed. And hopefully sometime soon.

Oh, and by the way, I have two more chapters planned. The next one (the fulfillment of the dares) and an epilogue. You'll notice this chatroom had practically nothing to do with dares; I _really_ hate truth or dare fics. It's just that I got so many suggestions, I wanted to get them all in, and I wanted to get this story done quickly to focus solely on my friend's birthday gift.

**WHY I WON'T BE UPDATING PAINT THE SKY:**

Yeah, Laps, come after me with a pitchfork.

I _will_ complete this, I swear to the great heavens and above. But right now, I have no motivation, and the new books in the Cahills VS Vespers series are completely squandering my planned out plot line. I don't know how I'm going to fit in the Madeleine scene with Luke that got introduced with Vespers Rising, even. I had a plot bunny on Olivia's death that got completely crushed to death when the 'stable-on-fire' thing came in. I swear, I _will_ finish this. But, unlike the chatroom, it won't be anytime soon.

My plan right now is to chip at it _reaaaaallly_ slowly, doing only a _leeeeeetle_ bit at a time, and publish as little chapters as I possibly can until the Cahills VS Vespers series is complete, so I can make the fic as canon as it can possibly be. I know, I know...

I'm so sorry. But, as said above, I have simply. _no_. motivation.

_**EVERYBODY READ THIS: CRUCIAL: CAN NOT BE MISSED: WILL BE ASSAULTED WITH PITCHFORK IF NOT READ (NOT REALLY...):**_

After these two fics, I'll definitely be taking things a _lot_ lighter. One multi-chapter at a time, for example. I've learned my lesson. This is not working out. It'll be difficult finding a balance between my multiple multi-chap bunnies and my writing speed. I swear though, everything will work out.

**chatroom viewers:** Please check out the birthday multi-chap, String, I'll be working on during this hiatus: http: /www. fan ficti on. n e t/s /736 332 8/ 1 /St ri ng (Take out the spaces...I'll never be able to understand why Fanfiction blocks these.)

**sky viewers: **I'm sorry. You might want to story alert this one.

~Omnis Anima Volet~

_Irise_


End file.
